cheesecake and adulthood

giant pieces of cheesecake for no reason on a monday night, another great thing about being an adult.

This year has been a learning/growing season over here in little j land. Some of it, like the anticipation and disappointment of the Sweden year, has been here for you guys to read and walk through with me.  I  SO appreciate all the sweet comments, the prayers, the encouraging postcards, and hugs.  Some of it, like my struggle to find my career/purpose, has been too personal, too full of anxiety to write about on the internet. 

But, one thing I’ve been working through recently is my tendency to compare myself to other people and use their actions as a compass for my life.

Really, I use Christians, not Christ, as my model for living. And really, isn’t it so much easier? They’re right here, going to the same church as I’m going to, writing blogs that are similar to mine, or giving their money to the same types of things I do.  And then I think, what could Jesus know about my life? How could he know what it feels like to be a 22 year old girl who sometimes tries too hard to be hipster, who loves reading vampire books, and doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life? 

But as I’ve let other people define the way I write, date, work, and play, I start confusing other people’s values with my own. I start following these all these other rules and getting weighed down by pressure that doesn’t come from Jesus, but from myself. 

Maybe this is just a getting older/maturing thing, but recently I’ve been stepping back to reevaluate all these self-imposed pressures and deciding what I really believe.  I’ve been looking less at other believers, but looking towards Christ for approval, love, and acceptance.  Really, he DOES know what it’s like to be that girl, because he MADE her. Every emotion and every circumstance that made her the person that she is was created by him. And when I reject all that outside pressure, I feel so free! I’m free to be the person that God created ME to be, not the person my bible study leader, boss, or close friend is becoming.

Although I’m still impatient to see who little j is going to be. 

This new found freedom is pretty sweet AND makes me think that maybe becoming a grown-up isn’t so horrible after all. 

p.s. i want to write a post about the hunger games. is it way too behind the times for me to post my opinions about those books? i wanna stay hip and all that.