the worst decision i ever made

Last night Lacey, Jaws, and I decided to go to Chili’s.  I’m not sure why we picked Chili’s…maybe it’s because the restaurant served us well during the high school years, maybe we really thought getting margaritas, appetizers, entrees, and a dessert for $35 dollars was a great deal, I don’t know. We just did.

The second mistake of the night was ordering cheese fries as an appetizer and BACON CHEDDAR quesadillas for my entrée. I didn’t  stop to think that the two were basically the same ingredients in different shapes. I also didn’t think that the quantity of cheese involved, mixed with the sugar and tequila in the blackberry margarita would tear my poor stomach to pieces.

But I soon realized.  Ohhhhhh, I realized.  I knew that something really bad was going down in my stomachular region.  That cheese was ripping down the lining of my stomach like it was a bad wallpaper.  I even went to the bathroom and considered forcing myself to throw up.

Listen.  Until you’ve stood for 10 minutes in the dirty bathroom of a chain restaurant where you just inhaled 6,000 calories of cheddar and bacon and considered sticking your finger down your own throat to end your agony, you have not reached rock bottom. 

In the end, Jaws took me home and walked around the neighborhood with me until that glob of death moved out of my stomach and into my small intestine.

Ladies: if you find a man who will shuffle around your neighborhood with you because you ate your way into a cheese-induced bout of heartburn, hold on to him.  He’s a keeper.

In the end, the three of us vowed never to eat at Chili’s again.  It’s nothing against the restaurant; I just think we’ve outgrown the days of eating solid cheese and animal fat for dinner and are moving on to better days of fresh vegetables and well-cooked steaks.