F.E.A.R.

hahahaha

not the video game, noobs!

I'm taking about honest-to-goodness fears. not superficial ones, like snakes or frogs (seriously, frogs are the most disgusting creatures on the planet),  I'm talking about our deepest, darkest fears. The ones that we may not even know we have, but cause all kinds of unhealthy behavior in our lives; the ones the enemy uses to manipulate us and pull us away from God. 

Recently, I've been dealing with some fears in my life.  One, in particular, that I didn't even realize I had, that caused me to stay in an unhealthy situation looooong after the Holy Spirit was convicting me to get out.  A fear that was screaming at me so loud that it drowned out the voice of my Father, who was trying to help me.  Only later, away from the bad situation, lounging on a pool chair in Aruba, did I realize the deeper cause my behavior, my unanswered prayers, and months of stress. 

There is also a lot of fear in support raising. I want to believe and most of the time I really do that God will provide the money for me to go to Sweden.  I truly believe that this is the country He has called me to;  He's given me a heart for these people that I've never even met.  So I know that He will provide a way for me to get there; however, sometimes that stinky human side of me wants to think:

what if He doesnt?

  what if you fail?

     nobody wants to support you

In those times I have to remember God's promises, even when I'm not feeling them:

And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

No, in all these things we are more than victorious through Him who loved us.

Romans 8:37

And we know that that all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 

Check out this video on God and fear

love y'all mucho, mucho

Things I'm convinced I need for Sweden, but can't afford

 How cute is this coffee maker? It looks like you could buy it at IKEA, which makes it totally Swedish, but it's really only $45 dollars at Target.  It has a timer, which is basically my only requirement, so that I can have hot coffee already made when I wake up. (Michael Graves Automatic Drip Coffeemaker)

 I made the mistake of going shopping at REI with my discipler (who is training for a half Ironman with her hubby!), and now I am convinced that I NEED this 120 dollar Patagonia Better Sweater/ jacket. It's gonna be FREEZING in the S, so I'm gonna need a more substantial jacket than my sweaters from Forever 21. Right?

I'll probably end up rocking my new Keen hiking boots once there is snow on the ground, so I'm gonna need some fancy wool socks to go with them.  I'm going for the outdoorsy, pretentious look, although it might just come off as bum who wears their entire wardrobe.

The camera I have now is a dinosaur (5.1 mega pixels, seriously.), so I'd love a new camera to document my life there. Added bonus, I can post pictures here, so you guys can see what's going on. Plus, I'm hoping Ashton Kutcher might jump in and start taking pictures. (j/k guys, it's not a Nikon).

How soft and cuddly does this blanket from Crate&Barrel look?

Specially paired with this?

Well, I need to stop online shopping and get some real work done. Aruba this week! pics when I get back!

Thoughts from a very tired missionary

Hello darling readers,
My first week of summer is officially over, and I feel so...stressed. wait, what? I just graduated from college, so shouldn't I be laying at the pool reading books about hunky vampires and sleeping till noon? I wish.  This week has been crazy busy with Crusade stuff. 

I know you must think I'm crazy. Surely working for a Christian missions organization means long prayer sessions, baking cookies in the shape of crosses, and discussing Jesus over coffee? I know I've been guilty of thinking this about the staff at my church.  That was until Crusade started mailing me books to read, online modules to complete, and, of course, support to raise.

As crazy as this week has been with MPD (ministry partner development) meetings, skills training, and a little craziness in my personal life, I have never felt or seen God more in my life. Mostly when I talk to other people who have raised support before, their advice is "It's gonna suck, but your faith will grow.", but honestly, this week has been abso-freakin-lutely amazingly full of "God moments".  I have never felt so much like God was taking care of me. I've gotten to view the generosity of friends and virtual strangers, spend quality time with my discipler, and see my Father show up in big ways.

Seriously guys, I got so overwhelmed by his awesomeness, that I started crying in the car, and I am NOT a crier.  I'm also not a great driver, so crying in the car probably wasn't the best idea.

So, please be praying for me sweet readers, cause Lord knows, I've got even more to do in the future.  But I know God's got the details.

 Yates Mill Pond- where I spent Easter with my mom and sister

Getting my Jesus on yesterday afternoon :)

Hello, my name is:

Hola sweet friends!

I am currently relaunching my blog, with the much more computer-illiterate friendly blogspot. My hope is that now that I have graduated from college, I will actually update this thing consistently.  Also, as most of you already know, I will be going to Sweden in August to work for Campus Crusade for Christ! woooo! This blog will be used to chronicle the support raising process, and also to keep you, my sweet, sweet friends updated while I am away for one whole year.  I will miss you dearly, but God's doing big things right now that I am psyched to be a part of. :)

Proof of my graduation, since they haven't mailed me that darn diploma yet.

The Uppsala River.  Yeah folks, I'm gonna be living here. Be jealous.

 Breakfast of champions

Where I've been running lately. Except it doesn't look nearly this pretty right now.  Take half that water out of the lake and add a bunch of screaming children on the bridge and you get my view as I huff and puff around.


Next time I will have more substantial things to say. Maybe.