In Memory

One year ago (yesterday), we lost my aunt (the one with the fabulous blonde 80's hair) to breast cancer.

She was a great mom, loyal sister, and loving daughter.

And, of course, the fun aunt! (Who else would try to convince me to buy pleather pants or teach me to do front flips on the trampoline?)

We all miss you dearly and can't wait to see you again when it's time. 

Love you.

Goodbye, Joe.

I've lost the will to live given up drinking coffee.

After a unfortunate incident in which an evening cup of java translated into me cleaning my entire apartment at 3 am, I have decided to part ways with the beverage that got me through college.

It's been tough, guys.  I sleep 10 hours a night, drag myself out of bed to eat breakfast, then fall asleep on the couch again. Even Lindsey Lohan looks like a healthy, well-rounded individual compared to me.

I'll miss you, dearest coffee. We spent so many early morning labs and late night study sessions together.  You were a big factor in my academic success and an encouragement in my ability to tolerate other human beings in the early hours of the morning.

Unfortunately, you make me anxious. What used to be a healthy relationship now makes my stomach hurt, my heart race, and keeps me up at night.  It's not you, it's me. We had a good run; Four years is longer than some people have in a lifetime.

If you come looking for me, I'll be standing in the coffee aisle at the grocery store, smelling the different kinds of beans.

-little j

Sorry for the long delay, little sweethearts.

I wish I had an excuse, like my life being busy and glamorous, but alas, it isn't.

Actually, it's been really boring and disappointing.

Which is why I haven't written to you guys.  I don't want to use this as an excuse to whine, and I know y'all don't wanna hear it.

So anyways...

Yesterday was my last night with my college roommate, Jasmine 
We walked around campus, reliving all the memories from the last 4 years. 

our first Wolfpack football game. the beginning of a long series of disappointments.

Krispy Kreme Challenge 2008

painting the free expression tunnel- west fo' you know!

lil baby jasmine

Centennial Campus in the fall

Robert Pattinson for 1.50.  yum.

I'm honestly really glad to be done.  I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life, whatever that may be. Hopefully, I will be able to let you know about that next week.  The last 4 years probably weren't the best of my life (although there were lots of great moments), but they were the most pivotal.

In those years, God brought me to a college suite with two believers.  He used one to get me into a Bible study.  He used that Bible study to spark my interest in him.  He used a breakup to show me that I was ready to follow him.  He used those girls to encourage me to step out in faith.  He used those 4 years to bring me to Himself.

It was totally worth it.  Can't wait to see what happens in the next 4.

10 things I wish I could tell high school me

Inspired by this article in RELEVANT Magazine.

1.   Put more time and effort into your friends and family. Lots of people will come and go, but your real friends and your family are there forever.  It pays to invest in them. Looking back, I wonder how much deeper those relationships could be now if I had taken my little sister out for ice cream- without bringing the boyfriend.

2. [Most of the time] adults really know what they are talking about. When your parent/youth pastor tells you it won’t work to date someone who doesn’t share your faith, it isn’t because they are trying to be a fun sucker and ruin your life, it’s because they’ve been there.  Later, you will tell the girls in your high school small group stuff the same things! It isn’t because you want to make their lives lame and churchy, it’s because you’ve experienced the incredible heartbreak of figuring stuff out the hard way.

     

      3. It’s ok not to date. In this day and age, it’s all about “figuring out what you like” and “test driving the car before you buy it”, but too much dating can have some ill effects.  Don’t misinterpret, I’m not saying you’ll marry the first person you date, but I am saying that when you do find someone worth thinking about forever with, it will be a lot sweeter without the baggage of multiple failed relationships.

4. Read the bible- It isn’t as boring as you think it will be. The picture you’ll get of Jesus will be more precious that could ever be put into words during a church sermon.

5. Stop trying to grow up so fast!  One day you really will get to do everything yourself.  There is nothing glamorous about going to the grocery store while running a fever to buy your own chicken soup.  In that moment, you'll want nothing more than to live with your parents again.

6.   People who are difficult to deal with are usually that way for a reason.  Everyone has been though their own kind of hell.  Try your best to be kind to them anyway. 

7.  Christians aren’t perfect. It will take a lot of pressure off of you and your friends if you start believing this.  You are going to have moments when someone you thought of as a “perfect Christian” says something racist/has too much to drink/hurts your feelings.  It doesn’t prevent them from being a good person.  They are human.  We all sin.

8.Don’t look for one person to be your perfect match. You need lots of people to make your life complete.  You need a friend who will listen to your problems, one that will get your butt off the couch on Saturday afternoon, and  one that will creep on your new crush’s facebook profile and tell you that you are WAY cuter than his ex-gf.  A single person can’t do all those things for you, so make time for lots of different people in your life.

    

      9. DON’T mess with your GPS while you are driving.  It doesn’t end in good times for you. 

10. Time goes by faster than you think. Try to enjoy today the best you can.

if you read these last two posts back to back, you may think i'm bipolar

via sayingimages

today i'm feeling a little melodramatic.

i just spent 2 days at the beach with the fam, where i ate lots of food that i normally try to avoid (because i want to live past 30) and hardly thought about support at all.

then this morning i got home, all ready to write a cute little post to you guys, and my #$%^ computer wouldn't turn on.  20 minutes and 10 reboots later, i get the old dinosaur running and i realize i left my camera in my sister's purse.   then the thing decides to disconnect from the internet and won't let me back on.  then it shuts down and closes the page where i'm booking my flight to the STINT briefing.

i proceed to burst into tears and yell at my computer. at this point, my roommate comes home, sees me crying at my computer, decides im crazy alright she already knew that, and goes on to watch women's soccer. 

isn't my life hard?


in other awkward moments, i had a run in with a really creepy old man at starbucks the other week. for the sake of convenience, we'll call him "silver fox".

i was meeting someone i've never met at starbucks for a support appointment. here's how it went down.

**old man making eye contact with me**
me: are you richard?
silver fox:  i can be...
me: oh, nevermind.  i'm meeting someone for work.
silver fox: i can be richard from work.
me: **laughs nervously**
silver fox: where do you work?
me: campus crusade for christ
silver fox: oh....  **gets up and leaves**

one day i will write a post about the awkward responses you get from people when you tell them you are in full time ministry/mention you are a christian. if you have a story like that, leave it in the comments, por favor. it will make this stupid day much better. 

hugs and kisses and other gushy stuff, 
little j

Jag tackar

treehotel.se

there is seriously a hotel in sweden made up of tree houses. 

 

also, i got a note from my german exchange partner, anna maria, today saying that she will be living in barcelona next fall and that i should come visit her. 

 

aaaaaand next year, it's gonna be my full time job to tell ppl about Jesus

 

 how sweeeeeet is my life right now?

 

i'm embarrassed to think about all the things i complain about.

 

and all the times that i'm convinced that God doesn't have my best interest at heart.

 

i'll probably be back to whiny-emo littlej tomorrow

unfortunately, that's what usually happens

 

but tonight, i want to stop playing the martyr and be thankful.

 

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:11   

oh, to be a kid again

via sayingimages 

i'm gonna try out this tactic next time i'm fighting with someone.


love love love.

Goooooaaaaaal ! !

Sunday night I went to my first soccer game ever. 

High school services were cancelled Sunday night, so Lauren (a fellow student ministry leader), her sister Jill, and I ventured into the world of professional soccer.  Excuse me, football.

All it all, it was a pretty good experience.  Cute boys in athletic gear, fan food, and fireworks all add up to a good night in little j's world.

Jill, me, and Lauren sitting in 95 degree heat

 

 

 

I'm glad I didn't try to dress in Railhawk colors.  Orange shirt+ sunburn= not flattering

The sun setting over the stadium.  A very welcome relief from the heat.

The best part of sporting events.  I should have written these off as a work expense.  Watching soccer is an important part of integrating into European culture, right? ...right?

In the words of Jill, "These Canadian guys are wimps."  True story, someone got injured every 5 minutes.

I didn't get any pictures of the fireworks, because we watched them in the parking lot.  It's probs good for you guys though, because my "firework" pictures always end up being of a smoky sky, 5 seconds after the fireworks have died.

All in all, it's been a great Independence Day weekend. If all goes according to plan, this time next year I will be Sveeeed, getting ready to come home.  weird.

Lessons Learned

I'm in my early twenties, so lots of things feel unsettled.  I have lots of questions rolling around in my brain like "What am I going to do for my career?", "Why does a new timing belt/water pump cost so much?" ,and "Will I have to pretend to like soccer when I live in Europe next year?"

Serious thoughts, people.

Sometimes having all these unanswered questions is frustrating.

Today I was talking to a friend about breakups.  I said something like "I think it is good for everyone to go through one breakup, because you learn a lot about yourself."

She replied "Maybe I'm just not there yet, but I can't think of anything good that I learned from my breakups."

That statement was a little crazy to me because said friend is recently married, and I (being the single twenty-two year old), assumed that by the time you walked down the aisle, you would look back on your previous relationships with rose colored glasses while listening to "God Blessed the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts.

I always assume that, with time, God will show me the answers to all my problems. Usually, He does.  But today I realized that sometimes we don't get answers.  Sometimes there are past hurts that are just past hurts.  It doesn't mean that things won't turn out ok (it did for my friend), but I think what I learned from that conversation is that sometimes you have to accept things how they are and move forward from that point.  I may not ever get answers for some of the questions in my life, but I need to remember that God brings good out of every situation.  He can heal the most broken, angry, messed-up people and turn hopeless situations into miracles. Just read the Bible.

Sometimes we don't get answers. God doesn't always feel the need to explain Himself to us.

Sometimes, in the words of an ex-boyfraaan,

"It is what it is."

Take what you've got and go from there.

If a hurricane doesn't leave you dead

it will make you strong.

Don't try to explain it, just nod your head

breathe in, breathe out, move on.

Jimmy Buffet


“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19